Goals....

So, I'm sure everyone has seen my before pictures by this point, if not and you're interested in my weightloss journey you can click [here] for a previous blog entry on it...

 Funnily enough, last summer I found the skirt in the above picture and put it on and this is what it looked like...

But, I actually thought it odd that on my tumblr I will freely talk about my weight struggles but I barely talk about it on my personal blog and this is a very personal and real struggle I have daily..
I do struggle with BDD, Body Dismorphic Disorder, which greatly impacts how I see myself and has my self esteem see sawing very often.. I  really can't see the changes in my own body and truthfully always see myself like in the very top picture. No this does not transfer to other people but just solely on myself and effects my self perception. [which also adds to why I take so many selfies because it's easier to see my changes on my screen than in my mirror but it doesn't associate that that's really me....]

Okay, besides all that I'm okay at my weight right now and at my highest point [weight wise] my current weight was my goal weight~ But as my BDD gets more distorted and my need to be able to see some change in the mirror I want more.
As a stat report let me just do a run through~
Height: 5'3"ish
Weight: [this morning 5/23/13] 158lbs
Pant size: 6/8US

And according to BMI calculators, I'm still in the overweight classification.

So this is kind of the heaviest I've been in a while and it terrifies me. I just keep thinking one more lb and I'll be 200lbs again or that my smaller weight was just a figment of my imagination or that I've deluded myself that I was relatively thinner.. Please note, I can be very vicious to myself sometimes...
But when I snap a picture, it doesn't look as bad as I see myself in the mirror. It's very frustrating and something I wish I knew might happen with weight loss...
But it doesn't negate the fact that I'm healthier...

Continuing on, I want to stop slacking where I am weight wise and get to an average weight this year and maybe be content with my body. [which I can be most of the time but to be 100% happy would be ideal!]

Thus, I snapped my current body as is, and this is my new before shot.

I will bump up my 2 hour work out routine from 3 days a week to 5 days and stop munching on random snack foods over salad and stop with my 2 binge days a week and cut back to one binge day weekly, and we'll see what happens... [plus I started drinking juice again and drinking random empty calories, ie; alcohol..]

So, I need to stop doing those things and really concentrate on my weight loss and health, because in a reality, health is the most important part of it!

So, I should start sharing more of my struggles and wins regarding my weight/health here with you on top of all the fun lifestyle beauty things that you expect!

Anyone who has thought of even losing 5lbs or more or has wanted to get healthier or get a bit more fit, I'm calling you out and stop saying you'll start tomorrow or next week.. Let's start reaching for our goals today!

<3CarisseIris

Hi new me..

I wanted to make a entry about weight loss and my journey...

I wish I had better pictures to share of me before, but I deleted them because I was so ashamed of myself but I was able to get into my old photobucket account and found a few pictures.

Now, if I've been trying to remember when my weight journey started...

Well, I was always over weight even as a child. It doesn't help that I have bad genetics either, as my dad was morbidly obese and died of a heart attack when I was 4 and my mom is currently obese and is borderline diabetic.

In high school my weight fluctuated from 180-198 but after my graduation when I was 18, I finally reached 200 lbs and a size 16, maybe even more than that because I rigged my scale to tell me lbs lighter...

After that I was desperate to lose weight. I tried diet pills, but I was so desperate I over dosed and was rushed to the emergency room and had my stomach pumped. In the pills I took, they were filled with caffeine and my heart wasn't taking it well. Long story short, it was pretty bad. When I was released, I begged my mum to get me liposuction. Which my mum let me get because she too was worried for my health and wanted me to get my weight under control.

So, I ended up getting lipo on my legs and thighs, where most of my fat was accumulated. The thing is, lipo 'shapes' you're body and doesn't really mean weight loss, which I learned the hard way... After the surgery I only lost 5 lbs and didn't see any difference except I was in pain and had scarring..

When I noticed my 200 creeping back on me, I was so disappointed because my 'quick fix' plans all failed.

By the end of summer, I was finally in the right mind set to lose weight the healthy way. I exercised once or twice a week and ate healthily...

September of '08 crept by and I remember hitting my first goal, to fit back into my size 12 pants. When that happened, I knew that I could finally accomplish my goals and it was all within reach.

But, I reached my first plateau. What I learned was it's easier to get rid of excess weight when you're heavier because any little change will melt pounds right off.

So, for my 20th birthday, I started Weight Watchers. On weight watchers I would bike to the location I got my food from, which is 1 mile from my house and hit the gym once that week. On weight watchers I got down to a size 10, another goal reached. I haven't been a size 10 since 6th grade and it was amazing.

Again, I hit another plateau and I started getting frustrated. I tried Lindora with no luck and stayed a size ten until I went on Nutrisystem and lost 5 lbs but that was it...

Then, summer came and I got my heart broken. That became my new push to keep going. This time I started counting calories, 1500 calorie intake and hitting the gym 3 times a week. By the time my 21st birthday came I was a size 8 at 160 on the scale, 40lbs lost.

It was exhilarating! I reached my ultimate goal at the time. Now that I saw how my face was getting more defined, I could see definition in my arms and I had a body shape, I decided to set a new goal. 'Reach average for my B.M.I', which would put me at 120 lbs [my current goal].

Over this past summer, I went down another 20 lbs to 139 lbs and a size 5, all through calorie counting and exercise.

But, I reached another plateau brought on by depression. I gained 10 lbs since my 22nd birthday.

Today, I am 149 lbs and a size 6. I'm still working towards my goal and I will reach it.

I count my calories, drink a lot of water, eat healthily and hit the gym 5-6 days a week.

Weight loss isn't easy and it's a never ending battle. I know that I can never stop counting my calorie intake or stop exercising or else there's a possibility of me gaining it all back.

It's a lifestyle change.

For the past year, I've been using myfitnesspal and it's been really helpful. I'm also being helped by a personal trainer since my 10 lbs weight gain this fall.

I think health is a great thing to have, I'm so proud of myself and the things I can do. It makes me feel like anything is possible!

^^^

before and afters..

I hope that my story may inspire someone...

I've learned that all you need is patience and perseverance and you can accomplish anything.

<3CarisseIris