Thursday, May 23, 2013


So, I'm sure everyone has seen my before pictures by this point, if not and you're interested in my weightloss journey you can click [here] for a previous blog entry on it...
 Funnily enough, last summer I found the skirt in the above picture and put it on and this is what it looked like...

But, I actually thought it odd that on my tumblr I will freely talk about my weight struggles but I barely talk about it on my personal blog and this is a very personal and real struggle I have daily..
I do struggle with BDD, Body Dismorphic Disorder, which greatly impacts how I see myself and has my self esteem see sawing very often.. I  really can't see the changes in my own body and truthfully always see myself like in the very top picture. No this does not transfer to other people but just solely on myself and effects my self perception. [which also adds to why I take so many selfies because it's easier to see my changes on my screen than in my mirror but it doesn't associate that that's really me....]

Okay, besides all that I'm okay at my weight right now and at my highest point [weight wise] my current weight was my goal weight~ But as my BDD gets more distorted and my need to be able to see some change in the mirror I want more.
As a stat report let me just do a run through~
Height: 5'3"ish
Weight: [this morning 5/23/13] 158lbs
Pant size: 6/8US

And according to BMI calculators, I'm still in the overweight classification.

So this is kind of the heaviest I've been in a while and it terrifies me. I just keep thinking one more lb and I'll be 200lbs again or that my smaller weight was just a figment of my imagination or that I've deluded myself that I was relatively thinner.. Please note, I can be very vicious to myself sometimes...
But when I snap a picture, it doesn't look as bad as I see myself in the mirror. It's very frustrating and something I wish I knew might happen with weight loss...
But it doesn't negate the fact that I'm healthier...

Continuing on, I want to stop slacking where I am weight wise and get to an average weight this year and maybe be content with my body. [which I can be most of the time but to be 100% happy would be ideal!]

Thus, I snapped my current body as is, and this is my new before shot.
I will bump up my 2 hour work out routine from 3 days a week to 5 days and stop munching on random snack foods over salad and stop with my 2 binge days a week and cut back to one binge day weekly, and we'll see what happens... [plus I started drinking juice again and drinking random empty calories, ie; alcohol..]
So, I need to stop doing those things and really concentrate on my weight loss and health, because in a reality, health is the most important part of it!

So, I should start sharing more of my struggles and wins regarding my weight/health here with you on top of all the fun lifestyle beauty things that you expect!

Anyone who has thought of even losing 5lbs or more or has wanted to get healthier or get a bit more fit, I'm calling you out and stop saying you'll start tomorrow or next week.. Let's start reaching for our goals today!



  1. Good luck with the weight loss! BMI isn't a good indication of whether you're overweight or not because it doesn't factor in a lot of things, like muscle mass. When I was 127 pounds (I'm about 5"4), it said that I was overweight but I wasn't.

    I too am trying to lose weight and get back to 127 (it's proving to be very difficult). But I think you did an amazing job from your first picture to your second, it's never easy to lose weight. Just take it one day at a time!

    1. Eep~ thank you and that's very good to know~~
      YOU CAN DO IT it's all about motivation and keeping the ball rolling!
      Just as you said, one day at a time!

  2. WOOW thanks since i start to go to the gym THANKS to you!!! , im overweight and thanks to your weight loss story i´ve decided to enter the gym and lose all the weight and feel happy with myself THANKS . ILL work my hardest i hope you too :)

    1. Ah! Congrats on your healthy lifestyle!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Let's do this!

  3. OMG..
    This is a WOW!
    I used to be very skinny, but I'm gainning too much weigth during my first year in college. I did some diets, workout, etc etc but it didn't work well. I lost my motivation...
    This post is just a wake up call for me. Thank you so much Carisse! I'll work harder from now. Good luck for us! <3

  4. Awww, Carisse I think you look beautiful! I wish I could be as motivated as you too~

  5. I know how you feel about weight ; u;. I used to be kind of chubby as a teenager, but I lost some weight before university, and then I gained it back with the 'Freshman 15' and lost it again... and then I gained it back again after working with fast food :c. So now I'm trying to lose ~20lbs again = u=;;.

    I don't think the BMI is a big deal, as long as you're content with your body, since the BMI doesn't take muscle into consideration.

    You can do it! If you did it before, you can do it again :D. You have a lot of support from your followers here and on tumblr (I follow you there too ahaha) All for healthy confidence, and even small wins~

    1. Thank you so much, it really means a lot not only that I'm not alone in my sentiments but for the support!
      Thank you so so so much~
      You are totes correct, small wins all the way!<3

  6. Hi there, I stumbled upon your blog looking at your wig washing tutorial [amazing by the way thank you!] and this entry caught my attention. I just wanted to say you are a complete inspiration and just if I wasn't at work I think this entry would have made me cry. I have BBD issues as well and struggle often with peoples perception of me and my perception of myself. You've inspired me to try and do it the right way by excercising instead of stupid things. I'll be constantly checking your blog now because it is a lovely blog!
    Thank you <3

    1. Oh wow! I'm so honored oh my goodness!
      Ah, you can do it and we can overcome it, I'm positive!!!!

  7. I found your blog through your instagram account and fell on this entry. I have to say that I'm totally amazed by your motivation and changes. You are really such an inspiration. I went through a depression 4 years ago and gain 20kgs (sorry i don't the equivalent in lbs ><). I lost 10kgs because of sickness but finally gained it back again because of my double degree and stress. Now, I have 20kgs to lose again and just can't stand myself anymore. But reading you gave me some courage back so thank you very much ♥ and congrats for all what you get through, you can be proud of yourself ! Keep blogin', love your blog ! :3

    1. Ah, thank you so much!
      Seriously, you can do it! You've been through so much and you are a strong person!
      I am here rooting for you!

    2. You're such a sweetie ! Thank you ♥

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