So, I'm sure everyone has seen my before pictures by this point, if not and you're interested in my weightloss journey you can click [here] for a previous blog entry on it...
But, I actually thought it odd that on my tumblr I will freely talk about my weight struggles but I barely talk about it on my personal blog and this is a very personal and real struggle I have daily..
I do struggle with BDD, Body Dismorphic Disorder, which greatly impacts how I see myself and has my self esteem see sawing very often.. I really can't see the changes in my own body and truthfully always see myself like in the very top picture. No this does not transfer to other people but just solely on myself and effects my self perception. [which also adds to why I take so many selfies because it's easier to see my changes on my screen than in my mirror but it doesn't associate that that's really me....]
Okay, besides all that I'm okay at my weight right now and at my highest point [weight wise] my current weight was my goal weight~ But as my BDD gets more distorted and my need to be able to see some change in the mirror I want more.
As a stat report let me just do a run through~
Weight: [this morning 5/23/13] 158lbs
Pant size: 6/8US
And according to BMI calculators, I'm still in the overweight classification.
So this is kind of the heaviest I've been in a while and it terrifies me. I just keep thinking one more lb and I'll be 200lbs again or that my smaller weight was just a figment of my imagination or that I've deluded myself that I was relatively thinner.. Please note, I can be very vicious to myself sometimes...
But when I snap a picture, it doesn't look as bad as I see myself in the mirror. It's very frustrating and something I wish I knew might happen with weight loss...
But it doesn't negate the fact that I'm healthier...
Continuing on, I want to stop slacking where I am weight wise and get to an average weight this year and maybe be content with my body. [which I can be most of the time but to be 100% happy would be ideal!]
Thus, I snapped my current body as is, and this is my new before shot.
I will bump up my 2 hour work out routine from 3 days a week to 5 days and stop munching on random snack foods over salad and stop with my 2 binge days a week and cut back to one binge day weekly, and we'll see what happens... [plus I started drinking juice again and drinking random empty calories, ie; alcohol..]
So, I need to stop doing those things and really concentrate on my weight loss and health, because in a reality, health is the most important part of it!
So, I should start sharing more of my struggles and wins regarding my weight/health here with you on top of all the fun lifestyle beauty things that you expect!
Anyone who has thought of even losing 5lbs or more or has wanted to get healthier or get a bit more fit, I'm calling you out and stop saying you'll start tomorrow or next week.. Let's start reaching for our goals today!